....

Okays, fine.
If you don't believe, i don't blame you.
Cos yeahs it does seriously sound like a crap excuse.
And one day you will see.
What i really mean.
And when i say sorry, i really mean it.
Unless you tell me you're prefect like God.
Which is not possible.
That you can actually see through me.
And see all my flaws.
But i don't blame you at all.
Cos i'm still at fault.
I know nothing i say wiill change your mind now.
But if really, you want to end this friendship now.
It's really up to you.
There's nothing i can do much.
If i move forward, while you guys are moving backwards.
I can keep in going forward, and not get what i want in the end.
Even if i try my hardest, and done my part.
While you haven't, i can only pray.
To God, that this is the path that He have set for me.
I know i cannot run away from this fact since it's already done.
Ohhs well, there's nothing i can really do except to say sorry.
& i know you will say that saying sorry doesn't cure.
Look at this from another angle,
put yourself in my shoes.
Feel the feeling of beeing stabbed right in the centre of your heart.
Losing everyone in just a few seconds.
The pain is unbearable.
And one thing i want to make clear.
THIS POST IS NOT TO OFFEND YOU.
But understand.

YOU TOOK THEM AWAY.

NO, that's not true.

Tear drops on my piano.

I'm not in the mood to blog.

So today's going to be short.

I'm really sorry.

I didn't mean to do that to you.

Don't be angry.

Deeply saddended.

If only i can turn back time.

Erase what i have done.

Ohhs yeahs, Singapore won Moscow.

Congrats.

Useless i'm.

The Lord will watch over your coming and going both now & forever more. Ps 121:8

I feel ever so useless now.
It's seems as though i'm the only living this on Earth.
No friends.
No hope.
No happiness.
Everything's coming apart.
Even now,
i feel so far away from God.
It's me,
i think i'm turning away from God.
I haven't been good.
I know i can't be prefect.
But i repent and repent.
But the gulit still stays inside.
I want to lift my burdens to You Lord, My Father, My saviour of my life.
But i cannot,
seeing your face makes me ashamed of all the things i done.
I know that You love me just as who i'm.
And not what i'm not.
I Love you GOD.
Yes, you would never betray me.
Touch me.
And i would feel again.
The calmness i always enjoyed.
The peace and prefect harmony.
I love to have that feelings again.
But even my love ones seems to dissappear.
Leaving me alone, in pure darkness and fear.
Guide me O Lord, bring me to the path of light.
& then i can serve you with a smile on my face,
as i know everything is in your hands.
I really pray & pray.
Thank you Father.
In Jesus the precious name of the Lord,
AMEN.

Conversation at the playground

i think this conversation is between Alicia & i.
It went like this.
We were joking about this, cos Melissa say i'm a prevert.

Z: I don't like her (points at Melissa)
A: Yeahs i don't like that girl either (points)
Z: Who? (I didn't know who she was pointing to as Melissa & Beatrice were sitting together.)
A: Her (points)
Z: Who?
A: Her lurhs (points again)
Z: WHO?
A: SHEEE!!! (points again)
Z: Huh? Who?
A: (Walks towards Melissa; points) HER!!
Z: Ohhs chey, i though you talking about Beatrice.

&& That's how the conversation ended.

you're my daily dose of happiness (:

HEYYYY! Today i didn't see daily dose of happiness. Wait, i think i did, in the morning. AHHH WELLS, but surprise surpirse! I'm still HYPERRRRR as ever!

HEEHEEES, Let's see.. What did i do today? Woke up late, didn't eat breakfast for my new diet (actually i do that everyday) but i still managed to get out of the house by 6.50. Met Rebecca downstairs talked a little, but couldn't think of a good topic to talk to her about. Then when we passed by Amanda's house, i saw Amelia with some of her friends. I was blur, and stared at her for quite a long time. Only realised that it was really her until during assembly. HAAHAAHAAS! We ran on the track for 12 rounds, i think i cheated by 1 run or something. I'm really freaking tired. Cos today when to ACM, i think it stands for AISA CIVILISATION or something. Some artefacts were scary, cos of those scary freaky faces the sculptures had. Beatrice hung so tightly to me while we were having the guided tour. It was quite okay, very interesting. We took some pictures, of ourselves. && all. && the toilet is sooo nice! We took some photos there too, and some in the lobby. I can't post em now. Cos my cable have gone missing, so i'm waiting for Alicia to post em, so i just copy her pictures! I'm suppose to do some Total Defence Reflection thing now, but i'm seriously thinking of not doing it. Cos first, i don't know what to write. Second, i don't care the bloody hell alrs! I'm like LALALAAAALAS myself! I think i become ding-dong. I'm seriously going CRAZY this time. HA, okays. I'm seriously RESTLESS & USELESS && MORE STUPID NOW>.<


BYEEEEEEEE, Cos ZINAAAAAA just DIED.

Let's end this right now.

No, and that's my final answer.
No matter how many times you plead me.
This is the last time.
Wait, i ain't going to give you any more chances.
I have gave you enough.
I forgave you again and again.
But you did it again and again.
& broke my heart into pieces.
Yeahs, you might have broke my heart into pieces.
But i really want to wish you all the best in your future.
I guess we just can't even be friends anymore eh?
If only i could.
Don't worry i already forgiven you.
Wake up sooner all rights?
Stop all this crazy imginative dreams of yours.
It will only make you life worser.

MY LIFE IS COMPLELELY RUIN.

Yeahs, it's you.
You are the one that cause so much trouble in my life.
That i have to start anew.
You think that's easy?
Think again.
You know i hated you since that day.
But you came running to me.
& i pitied you for who you were.
Not how you changed for the worst.
You always though that i liked you didn't you?
I didn't, i always though i did.
But i realised, that you were a pile of shit.
Useless, & bringing more trouble to my life.
Thank God i had my friends behind me all the way.
If not you would have seen headlines saying " GIRL AGED 12 SUCIDE"
You know who and what i'm talking about.
You say that you would be loyal to me?
But guess what, i wasn't even interested to me.
Yeahs i know you get girls everyday && night.
That doesn't mean i have to be one too.
NOT every girl will bow down to you & praise you like a King.
You are just thinking all that.
You crazy imgination.
Grow up.
You have been to craziest person i have ever met in my life.
Serve you right for that.
Hating you to hell.

Thanks, for the Moral Support all this time.

HERE ARE SOME PHOTOS I PROMISED THAT I WOULD UPLOADDD, yesterday's ones are here.

Half of th clique, Beatrice didn't wanted to be in the photo, ohhs wells.

She seems okay in the photo so nvm. HA. HAAAA.

Here's another photo of us, at the playgound.

See that ice-cream? Milo flavoured, it was my second cup already!

Milo ice-cream, dripped by me. Sorry! I didn't do it on purpose. At least i think i didn't.

As i was coming down the playing, Alicia ask me to stop moving, && took this horrible photo.

Fell asleep didn't i? && i think i really fell asleep or something.

YOOO PEOPLE! HAAHAAAS, today last paper. Maths, i didn't do two question sub questions i mean. But i think i done my best, i think that is. I'm doubting myself to much. I think that is. AHAHAHAS! Yeahs, OHOHOH. I want to thank Amelia! For talking to me yesterday, all those encouragements! HAAHAAAS, sorry i fell asleep while waiting for midnight to come. I doze off after a while. But thanks yeahs, for cheering me on! (:

My leg still hurts a little, i think. HAAHAAAAS!

I had piano lesson just now, my piano teacher gave me this lemon sweet. It's very nice! I told her to buy for me, it's very very very nice! Not to sweet or sour.

Quite sad, i couldn't go to Heartland's McDonalds with ALICIAAAA, BEATRICEEEE, ANNAAAA. Cos i had piano lesson. HAAHAAAS, ohh wells some other day lurhs. ALICIAAAA said that she bought a red shorts? HMMMS, must have look very good on her huh..

I'm so jealous, they all sooooo skinny lurhs. I like big fat hippo man. HAAHAAAAS!

I'm having a complicated feeling now, a little down, quite happy. But i can't seem to smile. HAAHAAAAAS, why am i blogging about this. HAAHAAAHAAS!

ERMMM, BEATRICE talking to me on the phone now. She's like. I'm so tired, there's nothing for me to do.. LLAALALLAAAAS! She wants so talk && talk && talk. (:

OHHSS WELL, i don't feel like blogging.

SO BYEEBYEEEEEEEE (:

So what if you are earning big bucks.

CAN'T RMB WHEN ALICIAAA TOOK THIS.

But i know we when Mc's to eat lunch together with the whole clique except some people who couldn't make it after school.

SLURP SLURP SLURP, CHEW CHEW CHEW, GOGGLE GOGGLE GOGGLE?

MORE MC DONALDS.

I think we ate in total like 3 small sized fries, 4 medium sized fries && two medium sized twister fries.

&& don''t know how many drinks. Someone ate a burger.

I think, ALICIAAAA'S REALLL CUTE IN THIS PICTURE!

ANOTHER DAY AT THE PLAYGROUND.

&& this picture show us how Beatrice eats her cup noodles.

First she dip her fork in, && then take out the noodles.

Opens her mouth, place her fork inside her mouth ( of cousre ).

& start chewing the noodles. HAAHAAAS!

OMGOSH! AMANDAAAAAA what's with the hand thing?

Here's a picture that we finally got on camera of AMANDAAA's BEAUTIFUL HAND (: HAAHAAAS! NO seriously, what's with the hand amanda. I don't mean to insult you. HAAHAAS! But it's freaking funny.

GAGAGAGAAAS! I need to go off now, cos my mum is like BUGGING ME TO STUDY. HAHAAS! OKAYS! BYE MY DEAR READERS, RMB! You ARE LOVEDDDDDD <3

Grinning from Ear to Ear

Freaking happy now. HAAHAAAS! My leg joint hurts like freaking hell. But who cares! Though i think i twisted it or something. HAAHAAAS!
Can't wait for tmr, cos first! Tmr's last paper, MATHS. Hate it Sucked it. Flucked it more then Thrice. && tmr got piano lesson! YEAHS, can play baobei for piano teacher to hear!
Very happy, cos Geography IT research got 20/20! (: GIGGLES! (: It was so unexcepted. BRUTAL SHOCK. HAAHAAAS! p.s i did it with the help of my god-ma. But i did all the typing & article finding. She did the layouts and colours (: YEAHS!
I can't wait for March holidays. HAAAHAAAS! During the week, i'm gonna clean my teeth && guess what?! I'm going to get BRACES! Finally! YEAHS! BRACES COME TO MAAMAA!
HAAHAAS, but my god-ma's paying for them.. Ohhs wells. I will pay her back, after months of baby-sitting. HAAHAAAS!
OHOHOHOHOH, Thanks Amelia. For that lovely present. It might have come in later than usual but it's the though that counts all rights? Thanks for being there for me! I won't let you down. (Wait the last part. I'm not too sure, postive flunking of everything. Except Geog.) HAA. LOVING YOU TO BITS MAN! I took some photos today. But POOT haven't put on her blog.( POOT= DA JIE= ALICIAAAA) So i have to wait. Promise will put pictures soon! I will put some old ones first! BRACES BRACES, LALALALAAAS! GIGGLES. AHAHAHAAS!

HEEHEES!

HA. HA.

GEMINI -
The Chatterbox
Smart and witty.
Outgoing, very chatty.
Lively, energetic.
Adaptable but needs to express themselves.
Argumentative and outspoken.
Likes change.
Versatile.
Busy, sometimes nervous and tense.
Gossips.
May seem superficial or inconsistent, but is only changeable. Beautiful physically and mentally.


HAAAHAAAAAS! Yeahs right. SO TRUE! AS IF~ I know some are true. EXAMPLE, TALKING, LIVELY, ENERGETIC. GAGAGAGAAAAAAS!
HEYYY, everyone gossips all right. && I DON'T GOSSIP ABOUT MY FRIENDS!

Sucide? That's your choice not mine.

GAGAGAGAGAAAS!

STILL CAN'T HELP IT, DANIELLE'S BULLYING ME!
SHE'S SHORTER! && I'M CUTER!!
But she insisted that she's cuter.
AHAHAHAHAHS!
MUST HAVE BOAST HER EGOO TOOOOO MUCH!


HAAAAHAAAAAAS!

I SURRENDER.

DANIELLE'S CUTER. HA

HA HA HA HA

Not even funny.

Hate me or Love me. Which do you choose?

SORRY I HAVEN'T BLOGGED IN AGES.
EITHER I CAN'T BE BOTHERED TO ON COMPUTER, OR INTERNET CONNECTION SOMETHING WRONG. ORRR, I TOO BUSY!
Anyways, i'm going to blogg today!
Let's see i'm really pissed in school today, && yesterday. For some particular reason.
I think i'm gg to fail Literature && Geog as well as History, Cos i wasn't in the mood to study at all. I failed my chinese test by 5 marks not surprised. Didn't study. I really don't care now. Things haven't been smooth, && life is hard. Valentine's day was just over. && I simply love the enjoyment of giving people gifts & hugs. THANKS SO EVERYONE WHO DID SOMETHING FOR ME FOR VALENTINE (:
But today! After i ate my lunch, i saw danielle. THANKFULLY, gosh she saved my day today.
I saw her and waved hello, & she smiled back!! I was delighted, that i could actually jump for joy! But it really worked, i was soo happy after that, that i couldn't help it but smile to myself. Was super quiet. But i had to smile man! It's was very very enlightening. To see danielle smile. HAAHAAS!
Blogging about her smiling is weird. AHHS, all wells. I have more tests coming up, still not in the mood to study. Got tuition tmr. Don't want to do tuition hmwk. I can actually DIEEE while doing it. HAAAA.


HAAAAS!
okays, signing off .

THE NICEST GIRL YOU HAVE EVER MET!

Z EE NAAAAAA (: that hyper zebraa.

ZINA NG HAVE JUST DIED.

Stop comparing yourself with him.
It's not because you ain't good.
I'm not ready.
Everything is so unstable.
I'm so sorry.
But i can't accept this offer.
Don't ask me why anymore.
You know what's my answer.
Why do you like me?
& not some other girl in this world.
I feel bad enough.
I'm so sorry.
Don't be depressed over me.
I'm not worth it.
Find some other girl in this world.
I wish you good luck.
& i know, cos that girl will love you death too.
Don't dread about this.
This isn't a good time.
Becuase i ain't ready for another complex thing going on in my life.
It's bad, i know.
I once felt hurt lke that.
But you will get over it after a while.
We will still be friends all right?
LOVEEDD EVER SO MUCH, Z I N A (:
don't worry about a thing okays?
God has set your path for you.
& He will guide you along your ways.

Indescrible.

TODAYYYYY IS FUNNNNNN (:
I went Heartland with Beatrice && Melissa && Aliciaaa && Annaaa && Rebecca && Megan && Lingyi.
*HEEEHEEES*
We ate Mcdonalds. I mean the food in Mcdonalds! (:
& we laughed. Really OUT LOUD. Studied, i guess.
&& we went shopping around Heartland.
Talk about some skinnies.
NEVERR EVER ABLE TO FIT INTO THEM.
omg, i really don't want to blog.



i'm ever so sorry, it's not that you ain't good. I'm just not ready. For another complex thing going on in my life.

Today shall be my first independence day.

F-R-E-E-D-O-M
I FINALLY GOT IT!
Cos my mum went to malaysia with her bf. To visit her bf side the family for CHINESE NEW YEAR! && She left today. Just as i got off the car. She went in her car. YEAHS! SOO COOL!
Alone at home now. HOMEE ALONE! Those of you who managed to read this blog from today sunday 3 of feb. PLEASE DROPP BY ME HOUSE! FROM TODAY TILL WEDNESDAY! Having party everyday. LOLS! I'm hungry. I gg to make CHA SAO BAO. YUMM YUMM. ** DROOLS **
Okays, i'm eating now.
&& PEELS OFF THE PAPER.
&& THEN I OPEN IT
&& BITEEEEE
DELICIOUS!
That's my conclusion of this CHA SAO BAO.
It's worth it. YUMMM.
YUMMMMM YUMMMMM.

ENDING IT SHORT TODAY.
MY APOLIGISES.
SOO FREAKING TIRED.
LOVEEDDD, Z EE N A (: that hyper zebraa.

Plain wonderful.

Today was great fun!
I stayed back in school till 8pm.
For GB, of course. We went blessing people around the neighbour hood!
It's was so fun, meeting all kinds of different people in my group.
The Seniors were reallyyy kind & funny!
Especially Davina, Alivina's sister.
She's really fun to be with!
There is other Seniors too. But i can't seem to remember their name.
Some of them were freaky. Especially that girl, who heard my name as sila.
Or sina, HAHAHAAS!
So as i was eating, she just suddenly shouted across the table.
HELLOS ZINA! Then she waved at me. And said " Yeahs i know what's your name! ZINA!"
It's was damn freaky, but it's was really nice of her to say that too!
Everyone have been really kind so far, & their training is really scary.
The teachers are really strict. They know when to have fun & when to be serious.
(: Now actually i'm glad i join GB (:
Yeahs, but i think all the CCA's in school is great in their own ways!
My clique have about 3 people in GB inculding me!
It's really cool, cos it's just like Clara, their all.
It's like, erm. I think i use comparisiom.
Zina Clara
Bernita
Alicia
Beatrice
Theresa Amelia
Amanda
Annunciata
Melissa Danielle
Winnie

So you see, my clique got more people. So
Blue <3>
Purple <3>
Yellow <3>
Orange <3>
Red <3>
Light blue <3>
Grey <3>

It's so cool! That's everyone come from different CCAs' it sort of make the clique unqiue!
YEAHS! (: LOL, i know this is random. But i like everyone that is free.
Go to www.youtube.com, find e zuo ju.
It's really a nice song, & i finally got the first part for the piano! (:
So i'm really in very high spirts now.
HEEHEES! GIGGLES.
All rights, i have to go do tuition hmwk.
Last minute, very last minute.
OMG, my mum just came in.
*Giggles*

Okays!

LOVEDDD, Z EE N A (: That hyper zebraa forever..

Insane.

You are the air i breathe

that day i saw you.
Looking back & fourth, as though like you sensed me nearby.
_______________________________________________________
My love for you have never changed from the day i first met you.
It's torturing, the way you hurt me.
You affected my whole life.
Never would i want to see you again.
_________________________________________
Did you realised that i have always admired you?
Did you realised that i really always likes you?
Did you realised that how much have you hurt me?
The pain is unbearable, this is too much.
I must as well just bledd to death, while you stand there with you ohs so popular friends, laughing away.
__________________________________________________________________________________
My hurt for you is like the burning fire in hell.
My spear goes through right into you body,
& out from the other side.
With bursting organs & veins.
That's how painful it is.
Do you understand it now?
_____________________________________
Hatred have always been my worst enemy.
But now, because of you, it became my best friend.
I hate myself for being bilnd, loving you so hard.
Now i know that living a life pleasing the men is tiring.
Never will i ever do this again.
___________________________________________________
Regret is all i have now, i regret loving you do much.
When i wasn't even noticed.
I'm just like an old house wallpaper, old & dusty.
_______________________________________________
If you never liked the other girl, would you be with me?
Forever & ever here with me?
Will you get bored of me & just dump me to one side?
This remain as a horror in my life,
for now you have gone.
While i stand here alone in misery.
______________________________
You was smiling there, having with all your ohs so fabulous friends.
& that's when it came to me.
That did you ever really loved me?
Now i know that you were only using me.
I knew it from the beginning.
But slowly i fell in love with you.
& now i have nothing.
Just like an plain old drawing.
____________________________________
Even when you leave me, don't you think that i can't live without you.
Yeahs, you might be big & fabulous.
& i might be a so-whatever.
But i would really like to cross this hurdle of living behind in the past,
with a smile on my face.